Rule Number 1

My hooligans have brought me much joy through the years. Of course there have been a fair share of tears, frustrations and fears as well. I imagine that is part of being a parent.

Through the years I have attempted to come up with creative, harmless ways for getting back at them for all the goofy things they did. I am always on the lookout for ways to remind them that I am THE MOM. I see all, I hear all, I know all and I have spies…

Last week a golden opportunity presented itself to get a point across without nagging, begging or crying. (May I remind you that I do have a flair for the dramatic?)

A little background. When I was a child it was drilled into my head that one should never swim:

1)   alone

2)  within a half an hour of eating because you might get a cramp.

Rule number 1 seems wise.

Rule number 2, I now believe, was one of those useless things that some mom said at some point in time which in turn was overheard by another mom who then appropriated into her personalized Dumb Things To Say To Your Kids book.

This book by the way, contains such sayings as, don’t make that face because your face may freeze like that and clean your plate because there are starving kids in the world.  Kids eventually realize that these sayings are irrelevant and inaccurate but somehow retain them for when they themselves become parents.

Back to rule 1 with regards to swimming alone. I still think it is a wisdom.

Last week, however, it seemed that my body temperature had reached 112 degrees when I had finished mowing the lawn. I decided that a dip in a pool would be just the thing so I texted one of the male hooligans who lives nearby to see if he’d like to meet me at his community’s pool. Just a brief cooling off was all I needed. Nope, he couldn’t, because his friend Josh was at his house and they were working on Josh’s website. Never one to stop my kids from working I decided to head over to the pool and take my chances.

The part in gray is the hooligan’s response to my request to swim. The two blue bubbles were my words.



I waited until I got home to send it but I wonder if Josh and my hooligan decided to take a walk to the pool, just in case. I’m pretty sure when they got my text they thought I was just messing with them.

My son is engaged to one of my favorite people and I showed this to her before I wrote this post. We both had a good laugh when I told her that my text was factual.

So I never did break rule 1 last week although the sandwich I ate 10 minutes before diving in may have completely violated rule number 2. Happy to report there were no cramps though which leaves me free to devise my next bit of mischief.



This entry was posted in Funny.


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